Ren's song 'Suicide' is a heart-wrenching exploration of grief and loss stemming from the suicide of a close friend. With raw emotion and graphic imagery, Ren examines the darkness of suicidal thoughts and the profound impact such a loss has on those left behind. The lyrics convey a sense of despair and loneliness, questioning the nature of self-harm and the conflict between emotional vulnerability and societal expectations.
The song begins with a chorus that metaphorically represents the descent into darkness and the extinguishing of life, suggesting the act of suicide as falling through the night sky. This time of day often symbolizes isolation and despair, reflecting the solitary nature of the singer's struggle. Treading on tracks in the night implies a feeling of being dangerously close to a life-ending decision, highlighting the precariousness with which one grapples with such thoughts.
The verses delve deeper into an emotional turmoil characterized by feelings of loneliness, inadequacy, and physical manifestations of internal pain. Ren describes the inability to confide secrets, a battle with insomnia, and an outward expression of bruising, evoking an image of someone battered by life's challenges. The bridge's 'sick boi' declaration echoes the idea that the pain experienced is a symptom of a broader societal illness rather than solely an individual failing.
The lyrics shift to an angry and self-critical tone, as Ren describes being 'washed up and seasick,' a metaphor for feeling out of place and relentless self-inflicted harm. There is a struggle to maintain even the most basic self-care, leading to a ritualistic purging, again underlining the desperate attempts to find some semblance of control or relief from the overwhelming emotions.
The song reaches its emotional climax in the outro where Ren vividly recounts the personal loss of his friend. Through poignant imagery, he mourns not only his friend's suicide but also the death of his own youthful innocence and the disintegration of his childhood. This moment serves as a raw expression of guilt and longing, where Ren grapples with the 'what ifs,' envisioning a world where he could have saved his friend. Grief is laid bare as he speaks directly to the memory of his friend, expressing a profound sense of yearning and loss.
"I'm so fucking lonely beneath this"
Ren conveys the overwhelming sense of isolation that he feels, emphasizing the deep solitude that can accompany mental health struggles.
"Dig deep, resist the feeling when it hits you"
This line suggests the continuous and difficult struggle against the urge to self-harm or give in to destructive impulses.
"Sick boi, sick boi, bitten by a tick boi"
Here, Ren uses 'sick boi' as a self-identifier, hinting at both physical illness and societal sickness that affects individuals.
"The truth is that the day you jumped my childhood jumped too"
In this deeply personal confession, Ren reveals how his friend's suicide symbolically ended his own childhood, highlighting the profound and life-altering impact of the tragedy.